God Sent Me--Part II

Bodhisatva,

Please tell Mr. Brown that I have already worked with his student, Katherine. Just as Bodhisatva has worked with her student, Katherine. Just as I have a cousin named Katherine.

Just as I had a fellow student in high school whom I ignored for another priceless jewel. Here is her story. Her name is Kate Turner. I am about to hit control, sorry no thank you Steve Jobs; I am about to hit apple V. I don't need to tell you your name: GSM

Kate Turner Folan December 29 at 10:55am Report

Jeff,

I loved your opening.. and I will simply say "ditto!" :)
If only we knew and practiced the law of attraction in high school and thereafter..lol.
Faith is at the very core of everything.. easy to say, yet very difficult to live by for so many. It is amazing when it hits you like Saul .. I've also had a few moments in the last 15 years like that.. thought I'd send this snippet of something I wrote a couple years ago..

I think after jumping the hurdle of nursing school, self esteem finally set in for me.
Almost like I felt I could possibly accomplish whatever I set out to do. A feeling much like when you were a child and the world seemed so easy, so eye-opening and so adventurous!
I think it was then, upon completing that degree and gaining some personal self esteem that I actually began the self-awareness process. I felt more at peace with myself and surroundings; I was more and more grateful for everything in my life almost as if a ray of light had finally burst through me. Not that life was empty or unsatisfying, I have the most fun raising our children, but I think I began to ask myself who I was.
I had an emptiness inside, that nobody could fill, except my faith and belief in myself.
As far back as I can remember I’ve had a very strong spiritual connection with God. I walked away from him for years, all the while knowing he was right beside me, though I tried to close my eyes tightly and not acknowledge him. After quite a bit of growing wiser and more aware of myself and welcoming the Holy Spirit with open arms in my mid 30’s an unbelievable peace came over me. I would always help others in any way possible, tried to see the good in everything, tried to make sense out of things that just didn’t make any sense whatsoever. But I never really took care of myself. I think it has only been in the past 2 years that I have begun to try and put myself directly on my life path. If that makes sense. I have scattered papers that were to be the start of numerous journals, which I have written on in recent years on this very topic. “You Can Do It”, “Believe in Yourself” “What Do You Want to be When You Grow Up?” type inspirational thoughts and dreams.
When I talked a bit about my strong connection with God, it is also with Angels, and with my Grandmother who was my earthly foundation until her passing 2 years ago. Her undying love is without a doubt, my earthly connection to heaven and I believe ultimately leading me on this journey I have stumbled upon. There are too many incidences of guiding dreams and intuitive knowing to even begin to speak of. I will write of a couple of experiences that have happened in the past 2 years.
I have found a love for photography, it is something I feel is very spiritually awakening for me and brings about feelings of one with nature. After my Grandmother had passed in January I spent much of my time outside that Spring taking photos of nature, capturing moments that she herself loved to see. At these times I felt her presence very strongly, there was no denying that she was with me. Many of the photographs that I find to be the most beautiful ones are the ones that were directed by her. One particularly spiritually filled afternoon I was on my deck, snapping away and from my left side, as it usually happens, I intuitively “heard” the words “quickly and without question turn your camera to the right and take a shot in the trees you will see why. Right then my camera was divinely guided and I took the most amazing photograph of a huge crystal-like orb, instantly bringing tears of joy to my eyes.
I know there are doubters out there who can explain away everything, from how the universe was created, to very matter –of –fact ways to live your life. Well, I believe differently, I’ve been shown differently, and I am blessed because of it.
I also often take photographs of nature, gardens, winged creatures and particularly ocean scenes. The ocean is, as it probably is for many, one of my greatest sources of positive energy. It is there that I feel most alive, most at one with the universe and with God. So many ideas and dreams that I dare to dream come about when I am there, barefoot and wrapped in the glorious sunshine and blue skies.
I also spoke to a few people about something I had remembered in my mid 30’s, not a dream, but an awareness. (This is the only way that I can describe it) I remember being drowned in sunlight as an infant in an area of my parents’ room that I can still clearly describe and being “told” that I was going to walk a path in my life that was going to be difficult for a while but that if I always allowed him to guide me, in the end it would be a beautiful journey and I would do many wonderful things through him.
I’m still not quite sure exactly what it is I am supposed to do. But I think I’m closer now than ever before and for that I am truly grateful. I also know from experience that when I am grateful I am even more abundantly blessed. So hit me- I am ready.
When I was praying last summer about this very question, and asking for some clear answers as to what I am supposed to be doing, exactly what my purpose is. I believe that is a question everyone needs to ask. Unfortunately few people have the time in this hurried world to be at peace for a long enough amount of time to hear and wait for the answer. From experience “the answers” can take years to hear, or arrive at your doorstep so quickly that its mere presence leaves you wondering “now what?”
Clear as day I heard the words “walk in my ways” and visualized bare feet which to me and probably many others symbolized Christ. Anyone who knows me knows I do not consider myself a “religious” person but a “spiritual” one. Yes, I went to church when I was a young child, I do feel a special closeness - a feeling of “I’m home” on the occasion that I visit “my church.” But I think I learned to carry that feeling of having God close to me out of the church and into my life at a young age by nature. Again, if that makes any sense. I don’t carry that feeling of guilt that I believe so many have for not going to church every Sunday and holiday – like I’m not worthy of God’s love and compassion if I’m not sitting in a pew. My connection with the Holy Spirit is much stronger for me in the sand at the beach, standing on the rocks overlooking the ocean, watching a garden grow from seed to bloom and then harvest, or watching the miracle of life grow and evolve through the years and being humbled by the magnitude of it all.
If every person would get in touch with their inner peace or at least honestly attempt to attain the little amount of tranquility I think that the world on many levels would change.
Again I am grateful for all the experiences that I have endured there will continue to be trying times as there will be in the lives of all people. To know that no matter what happens in your life everything will be okay is probably one of the best leaps of faith a person can have.

{p.s. God IS guiding you from moment to moment. Heed his Word.
Love that.. the GSM.}

Stay well. "Balance in everything is KEY." ~ My Dad. ;)
ha! - the reunion.. and to think our 25th is just around the corner.

I'm hoping you meant that you enjoyed yourself!! LOL.. or was I completely mental?

Peace.. Love & Everlasting Joy!

Nothing is too big.

"Such wonderful things are coming to you. Joy, Peace, Happiness, Laughter. Claim big, really big things. Remember nothing is too big."

Bodhisatva: Thank you for helping me with John which you did by not helping with John.

To John Prendergast: the key with Sudan is to remember "what you can not have by force, you may receive as a gift." You must teach the world to love Omar Al-Bashir as much as it loves Barack Obama. Remember our nation is founded on genocide, and yet our leading genocidaires are on our currency and engraved in mountainsides. The answer is LOVE.

As it says in the Tao Te Ching, "When I fight, we lose. When I cooperate, we win." (Wayne Dyer interpretation)

For the record, I went to P-town yesterday looking for Natalie's mom. I called the number that Bodhi gave me, a man answered and said there was no Natalie there. He said I had the wrong number. So it's up to Bodhisatva to continue that quest.

Also for the record, I saw Gabriel 2x in P-town. I saw Michael and James and Julia and Paul and everything was all right. Everything was in God's hands. On God's time.

I think I will see Gabriel again. Dad is with Michael and James. Saints.

I'm still waiting for John that I was waiting for in 2004 but John never showed. 3 cops named John did come, but not one of them was the right John. I need to see John. Please call.

Thank you. I live in God's abundance. Thank you God.

More fun with "GSM"

"All down the ages men have been too eager to say what they thought about My Truth. Hear Me. Talk to Me. Reflect Me. I can explain to each heart." Two Listeners

Try this one:

Take every time someone says, "It"

and replace it with "God's energy"

He really gets it.

She's feeling it.

I want it.

Let's do it.

It got away from him.

You lost it.

Let's get it back.

Do you get it?

In that department, all future "God sent me" moments will be shortened to GSM.

Tonight, in an event I will only be able to explain after I am on the Daily Show with John Stewart, Bodhisatva and I and Natalie and Rhyana and Kima, the huskie and the air bender had a GSM.

PS: John Stewart, if you have started reading this blog, my email is jffrhowell184@gmail.com

My cell is 774-840-0289

PPS: This is really fun.

PPPS: Let me say how grateful I am to get it, when people say, "Every moment is sacred."

PPPPS: Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

for fun, one day I will

for fun, one day I will be on the Daily Show with John Stewart, and I'll tell all the couples sitting at home that they're attempting to get a glimpse at God through laughter--a noble enough endeavor.

But if they really want to see God, what they need to do is turn off the TV (at the end of the show, ha ha) (after watching all the Viagra commercials, ha ha) and make love with their partner.

Slowly

very slowly

while summoning gratitude into their heart each moment

and saying, in each partner's own mind,

please God

please God

please God

That would be fun.

Then 9 months later, the Daily Show Baby Boom will occur and the US will rise out of the recession.

Hi John,

Thanks for reading this post. I'm quite certain we could make this the highest rated Daily Show in history. The Daily Show Baby Boom!!!

advice to a friend (saved for future use to save typing because no one really reads this blog)

A man's got to know his limitations. Or as the hawk said in Stuart Little, "A mouse has to know his limitations."

the finding the checks things is teachable. I'll explain it in a second, but first let me say that my son Clay "lost" his cell phone in a similar way. I employed by methodology, found it, stood in the middle of the room with the phone in my palm facing up, like a waiter offer a drink, and Clay rushed around the room whining at the universe, until my laughter brought him to look in my hand.

Here's how it goes. . . .

Thoughts are things. And, Ms. Math Teacher, therefore, things are thoughts.

Why can't you find a thought? Because you are frustrated. Your anxiety about the thing for which you are looking prevents you from finding it because it is resonating with an energy unlike that which you are emitting to the universe.

Some simple steps to take when you can't find something:

do some relaxation breaths (tell the Karate Coach to find his chi he first must make his daughters laugh), their laughter will then lead him to the lost object

recognize that logical thinking got you in trouble, therefore logical thinking (e.g. pawing through the garbage bag by bag) will not get you out. It's like trying to dig your way out of the whole. Therefore, the most obvious place to look is the opposite spot of the place you're looking. I do this all the time while passing out papers. I'll hold up a paper for Mr. Edwards, scan the room for him, then recognize that he is right next to me.

Here's the biggie of all biggies: the reason you can't find something is that God is hiding it from you and he wants you to patiently look for it, find and learn His lesson, and then you will find it.

Your husband's lesson is that his wife loves him. That love is right in his pocket and all he has to do is look there.

I've paused for a moment to try and figure out how he, you, we can get him to look in his pocket for love. I'm guessing that if you tried some Secret method that he'd resist and be out the door. But what if your daughter got in on the conspiracy. Pick the right kid to give him a little rock with the word LOVE on it, and have her tell him to squeeze it 100 times to day, and it just might work.

I've been giving my GRATITUDE rock a work out, and it works with incredible frequency. I could map out my day with GPS points set for blessed intervention by God but the first stop is even before I open my eyes, when I say Thank You God, Thank You God, Thank You God over and over again. It puts me on God's timeline and I can see in every blessed or not so blessed moment that whatever happens is okay; God is revealing himself moment by moment throughout the day. In the sanding truck, in the students I encounter at the mall, in the moment I wait, return to answer what otherwise might be an annoying obstruction, but engage it with a smile, then return to my presumed path to find that "Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus."

Finally, to the Bible: read it like a road map, my dear, it's the best book ever written by a long shot. The Law of Attraction is all over it, but also under it, in that, at least when you consider the work of Jesus himself, and weed out all the lesser prophets, He's right about everything. And if you think I'm in your head; just wait until Jesus gets in your head.

Good luck with the hubbie. If you can suffer through one last bit of advice, try to lead his energy to goodness when possible and get out of the way of his energy when it's destined for darkness.

Communication is energy

"Love, laugh, make the world happy. Your joy-making shall spread in ever-widening circles, beyond all your knowledge. Centuries after it still bears precious fruit." two listeners

A quick note before I go play on this day after Christmas . . .

communication is better understood as energy, rather than as an exchange of verbal messages. That's why the non-verbal communication reveals more than the verbal content of anything you say or listen to.

We have a wonderful mission ahead of us this year: to spread the joy of God's love to as many people as possible.

As we do that, we will come forth with our joy and our gratitude as we walk in God's presence, but we can't be flustered, frustrated or stopped by those offering equally strong energy in an oppositional manner. So my thought of the day in terms of communication turns back to that axiom about leadership:

Lead, follow or get out of the way.

We can lead people to better lives and a better planet if they are ready to listen and are already looking for answers.

We can follow people who accepted this path already and have developed many methods and maps by which we may navigate our journey through life.

Finally, and most importantly for our health, we can get out of the way of people who are projecting very strong energy against us. You and I will always look both ways before crossing traffic since that is what we learned as soon as we could walk. An oncoming car is not a challenge to our ego; we stop and let it pass.

The same is true for the haters and the hateful. Even Gandhi admitted that you can not use peaceful non-violent resistance against a tyrant.

He was blessed to have an enemy, such as the British Empire, to which he could turn to their better instincts. Gandhi also knew that he had to be patient, and he couldn't run his non-violent rebellion during the middle of World War II.

At least in the immediate vicinity of our lives, our task is relatively easier than Gandhi's. As we take on the greater part of the journey--to spread joy to dark places and in hardened hearts--understanding how to properly marshal our energy will require a level of mastery even greater than "lead, follow or get out of the way". Then we will need to be judo masters of the heart.

God Sent Me--Part I

"Nothing is too small to Me. The sparrow is of greater value than a palace, one kindly word of more importance than a statesman's speech."

Here's a note I wrote to a surprised women at the grocery store for whom I purchased her groceries on Christmas Eve after a long series of bad luck had beset her and her family.

Sorry to astonish you and then inadequately express myself last night. I have a long explanation for the comment, which I admit is rather brash--"God sent me".

For now, here's a short one. God Answers Prayers. I could see in your heart, through my faith, that you were praying for help. I trusted my instincts, which I hope and pray are grounded in a faith in Jesus and not my own very faulty self. Therefore, I "paid forward" to you that which God has all ready granted to me in the form of some relative good fortune.

Perhaps this was a selfish grab for a feeling of Christmas joy on my behalf, but I cried as I walked out to my car, which tells me that I really meant to work on God's behalf from the bottom of my heart.

Yes, I really meant that God sent me.

I admit it.

I see God working from moment to moment on a daily basis. I'm sure you read the Bible frequently for the strength and security it offers through the toughest times, as do I. So as a final gift for Christmas, may I direct your attention to the Book of Matthew, chapter 7, verse 7.

Ask, and you shall receive. Seek, and ye shall find. Knock, and it will be answered.

I'll let you read it and re-read it. It's a good one to copy out at the top of a page in your gratitude journal. When I have combined intense feelings of gratitude with a prayer to God, I find that it really is true: GAP--God Answers Prayers.

Sorting out the "no" answers from the "yes" ones is our God-given responsibility. But it's fun.

I still offer any help to you and your fun family any time you like. Because I have gone through several cell phones recently, I would ask that you call me (but not for a few days). Have fun with Matt 7:7. Play and pray. Pray and play.

a letter to a man touched by God

Alan,

I am extremely grateful and very happy that you are a part of my life.

I hope that doesn't give you a twinge of embarrassment to read, which I say because I always feel embarrassed when you praise me. But don't stop doing that. You're perfect the way that you are, and each time you give me another chance to practice humility.

I need to practice a lot of things, like humility, just as a guitarist plays every day even when he's performing every night.

Being human is to practice our virtues. Or for some, our vices. And if those practices become obsessions, then the Universe (or God if you will) punishes us until we learn our lesson. Or His embrace becomes firm and complete. And then our friends speak eulogies, spread our ashes, and try to make sense of it all. For some of those obsessed practitioners--the addicts, the drunks, the terminally lonely--the only friends left are the ones who Jesus led to them.

So let me say how extremely grateful and very happy that Billy, in that mythic moment years ago on the streets of Hyannis, was embraced by God long enough, but not too firmly, so that you could share the Light of the World with him.

Billy now walks around a home on Ocean St. and tells people that God is working here.

And he is right--God is working there, through the mind and spirit of a man held in God's loving embrace, but not too firmly, so that he could walk among us and help Others save themselves as they save others.

I am extremely grateful and very happy that this miracle walks among us as I sit and type this, tears rolling down my face.

"The Miracle on Ocean Street"

I've been thinking of asking Sean Gonsalves to write a non-fiction book about that, using profiles (anonymous or not) of our residents. First I thought that I would write it. Then I read Sean's column about HnotH and thought we could write it together and that the book could be a kind of 3 Cups of Tea, which we could use to spread the message and raise funds. Then this morning, I thought, you know, why not let Sean get all the glory as the author. That was one of my ideas this morning.

But I write to you about another idea: an idea which is my gift to you.

For the last decade or more you have lived a life that embodied a certain passage of the Gospels, which you often cite--Matthew 25.

The results have been everything you could possibly ask in one man's relationship with God. If I may be so bold (and I hope not rude), I think that you identify with the downtrodden in that particular passage. You see That of God and yourself in the stranger or the outcast, and you have tried to reach God's embrace in a similar way to your brush with God as you dangled from the water tower, waiting for Him to catch you when you lost your mortal strength. At that moment, when you heard the voice of that guidance counselor who let you know that there was good in you--then you began to understand the work of God. The path from the mind to the heart and back again, which your grandmother had attempted to forge deeply in your soul, finally lit up with the speed and certainty of a well-wired room, and you knew, you knew, you knew, Thank God, you knew that the light of God was in you, that your life was worth living. When you climbed down from that water tower, there was no going back. You would be tickled, teased, caressed by, tangled with, dismissed, forgotten--all--again and again, until the day the whisper became a shout, Matthew 25:40 came blasting through every cell of your body, and you turned to help others. You have no choice now to Quake in the face of that Truth. You are a Quaker.

What occurred to me this morning was how much different your life could be if you focussed with all the same energy, not on Matthew 25:40, but on Matthew 7:7. What will your life be like if you put that line before you in the morning before your feet hit the floor? What will your dreams look like each night if you recite that line over and over again to push away the horrors of the heart that you witness each day in your work and your Work? "Ask, and you shall receive. Seek, and you shall find. Knock, and the door shall open. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks the door will be opened."

My desire for you and, in a way, my Greatest Wish for everyone in your life is that you find wonderful gifts--spiritual and material because these our Friends on the streets need you in the full abundance of God's glory.

And, as Forrest Gump would say, "That's all I have to say about that."

Your friend,

Jeff Howell

a letter to a man touched by God

Alan,

I am extremely grateful and very happy that you are a part of my life.

I hope that doesn't give you a twinge of embarrassment to read, which I say because I always feel embarrassed when you praise me. But don't stop doing that. You're perfect the way that you are, and each time you give me another chance to practice humility.

I need to practice a lot of things, like humility, just as a guitarist plays every day even when he's performing every night.

Being human is to practice our virtues. Or for some, our vices. And if those practices become obsessions, then the Universe (or God if you will) punishes us until we learn our lesson. Or His embrace becomes firm and complete. And then our friends speak eulogies, spread our ashes, and try to make sense of it all. For some of those obsessed practitioners--the addicts, the drunks, the terminally lonely--the only friends left are the ones who Jesus led to them.

So let me say how extremely grateful and very happy that Billy, in that mythic moment years ago on the streets of Hyannis, was embraced by God long enough, but not too firmly, so that you could share the Light of the World with him.

Billy now walks around a home on Ocean St. and tells people that God is working here.

And he is right--God is working there, through the mind and spirit of a man held in God's loving embrace, but not too firmly, so that he could walk among us and help Others save themselves as they save others.

I am extremely grateful and very happy that this miracle walks among us as I sit and type this, tears rolling down my face.

"The Miracle on Ocean Street"

I've been thinking of asking Sean Gonsalves to write a non-fiction book about that, using profiles (anonymous or not) of our residents. First I thought that I would write it. Then I read Sean's column about HnotH and thought we could write it together and that the book could be a kind of 3 Cups of Tea, which we could use to spread the message and raise funds. Then this morning, I thought, you know, why not let Sean get all the glory as the author. That was one of my ideas this morning.

But I write to you about another idea: an idea which is my gift to you.

For the last decade or more you have lived a life that embodied a certain passage of the Gospels, which you often cite--Matthew 25.

The results have been everything you could possibly ask in one man's relationship with God. If I may be so bold (and I hope not rude), I think that you identify with the downtrodden in that particular passage. You see That of God and yourself in the stranger or the outcast, and you have tried to reach God's embrace in a similar way to your brush with God as you dangled from the water tower, waiting for Him to catch you when you lost your mortal strength. At that moment, when you heard the voice of that guidance counselor who let you know that there was good in you--then you began to understand the work of God. The path from the mind to the heart and back again, which your grandmother had attempted to forge deeply in your soul, finally lit up with the speed and certainty of a well-wired room, and you knew, you knew, you knew, Thank God, you knew that the light of God was in you, that your life was worth living. When you climbed down from that water tower, there was no going back. You would be tickled, teased, caressed by, tangled with, dismissed, forgotten--all--again and again, until the day the whisper became a shout, Matthew 25:40 came blasting through every cell of your body, and you turned to help others. You have no choice now to Quake in the face of that Truth. You are a Quaker.

What occurred to me this morning was how much different your life could be if you focussed with all the same energy, not on Matthew 25:40, but on Matthew 7:7. What will your life be like if you put that line before you in the morning before your feet hit the floor? What will your dreams look like each night if you recite that line over and over again to push away the horrors of the heart that you witness each day in your work and your Work? "Ask, and you shall receive. Seek, and you shall find. Knock, and the door shall open. For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks the door will be opened."

My desire for you and, in a way, my Greatest Wish for everyone in your life is that you find wonderful gifts--spiritual and material because these our Friends on the streets need you in the full abundance of God's glory.

And, as Forrest Gump would say, "That's all I have to say about that."

Your friend,

Jeff Howell

God For Smart People

"Think of Me. Look at Me often and unconsciously you will grow like Me." Two Listeners

God for smart people. The problem is you can't get to be with God, to see with God, to write your story with God, if you have to reason with God.

Reasoning things out systematically took me away from God every time. I still remember proud and fervent arguments that I had with believers, potential converters all. I was right every time.

And so every time, I pushed myself away from experiencing God.

Because that's the way you know God. You experience the work of the Infinite Spirit in your moment by moment life, after refusing all refuge in rationality, and just opening the heart, mind, gut and loins to the Lord. Ripping yourself open to let God in--that's actually a good idea. Many people come to this understanding after all their mistakes in life have gone ahead and ripped that hole open for them. Then, only when desperation has guided them to the point of complete surrender, only then do they accept God.

That, in my own way, was my experience.

If these are my last words V

Watch this Patriots' lineman taking the run of his life. Here.

I just want to save this forever. The ridiculous joy of seeing a 320 lb lineman running back a kick return makes for a good smile.

"Life is made up, not of days, but moments." Unknown

"Any life is made up of a single moment, the moment a man finds out, once and for all, who he is." Jose Luis Borges

In my experience, Borges is right, but there's an added bonus in that everyone is eligible to live a lifetime in the eternal present.

Since I gave my life over in complete surrender to God's will, I feel that I have lived in the eternal present, which unfolds, even without, or especially without the application of my ego. I pray for the good and the right; I live in the present; and good things happen one after another.

When my egoic mind takes over, or when I react with my base animal instincts without God's gift of reason playing any role, then bad things happen.

In the end, those bad moments aren't so bad, because even as they happen to my internal distress, I have the ability to reconcile each negative on the balance sheet of my total experience, and determine how I might take the right action in the future.

But, you might ask, how can you see or plan or think about the future, if you're constantly in the moment?

I don't think those ideas are irreconciliable. A lion lives in the moment even as she goes out to hunt for her cubs food. There is no thought or worry about the hunt; there is only the hunt.

Similarly, though I may "see the universe without leaving my room" to paraphrase the Tao Te Ching, I come to school, I plan for the week, I plan for each class, I grade each essay, I revise my plans for the class--all with a focus on takin in the fullest experience that humanity has to offer.

To sum up:


Even as I envision a better future, I live in the present.

The Department of Why Not?

Here's my prayer to say in my car before going back into my home. I'll tell you how it works, later.

Great Spirit,
which moves through all things,

Grant me the humor
to laugh with my family,

Grant me the flexibility
to handle the unexpected and the disappointing

Grant me the strength
to instill high standards without being over-bearing, to be supportive even in the toughest times

Grant me the faith
to know that as long as we stick with each other, everything will be all right

Grant me the love
to overcome, to embrace, to cuddle, to caress, to play, to live

Great Spirit,
which moves through all things,

Grant me the humor
to laugh with my family,

Grant me the flexibility
to handle the unexpected and the disappointing

Grant me the strength
to instill high standards without being over-bearing, to be supportive even in the toughest times

Grant me the faith
to know that as long as we stick with each other, everything will be all right

Grant me the love
to overcome, to embrace, to cuddle, to caress, to play, to live

Problems with summoning charms

"I may send you strange visitors. Make each desire to return. Nobody must come and feel unwanted. Share your love, joy, happiness, time and food gladly with all."

When someone wants to summon you into their life, and you don't want to go. Or the way you want to go is different from the way they want you to go. The Two Visitors say to welcome strange visitors, and that's really a part of Matt 25: 36-44. All I can say is "love, joy, happiness, time and food" that's all good. More than that is not good.

if these are my last words IV

If these are my last words . . .
and I'm talking to my sons, and I've only got one breath, I'd say,
Be Compassionate Now. Always.

Then I'd hope they'd find this blog for the explanation.

At this point on their lives' journey (6 and 10), I must admit that the boys are much better than I am at the "Now" part. They live in the "Now", the spontaneous present. Laughing, giggling, sulking, crying, yelling--all here, all the time, all Now, Now, Now.

For me, it's taken years and a daily surrender to the Great Spirit to get me to appreciate the joy of focusing as much as possible on this very moment, and in this moment, locking in on the fun, the beauty, the wonder of it all.


Even looking down the school hall where I work, I see the sullen parade of teens and simultaneously witness the magic, the epic power, the blazing minds, the struggle of good vs. evil. T. S. Eliot described it in one of his poems, saying that he "did not know that death had undone so many." What I see is in the passing pathos is the complete resilience of the passionate beings that exist in all of us. School, society, culture, peer pressure--you name it; that influence is here--and yet, these kids vibrate with life and many of them, when exposed to other vibrant sources of life, explode off into their ethereal, their heavenly self. They write amazing things in creative work. They perform brilliantly on a stage. They paint a canvas from their imagination. They reveal again and again, the astonishing effects of a lightning lock on the present moment of creation.

The compassionate part, that's a different ball of yarn. I have no way of proving that compassion is inherent to humanity, that it exists like a yarn string to be assembled skillfully into a comforting scarf or ordered and rolled into a ball for later use.

I only how it feels to be compassionate, to practice compassion in a way that is as self-less as possible, and then to feel that compassion requited, returned, amplified. His Holiness the Dhali Lhama calls in "wise selfishness" because practicing compassion creates such a positive feeling that it might be considered selfish when it makes you feel so good.

For those who have ever shown an ounce of compassion to a creature or a fellow person in dire need of that compassion, you know that you are in immediate danger of taking on lots pain. Though it's nice to theorize that you can live in the "Now" and see joy etc. at that moment, the Now is filled with anxiety, fear, chaos and confusion. The peace and joy one had developed in oneself can only reside like a reserve tank of oxygen in an alpine climber's pack, waiting to be applied to your fellow climber's oxygen mask, so that they too and you together can weather the crisis. The oxygen also represents our own ego. If the purpose of life, as a Buddhist may suggest, is to extinguish the ego, then that oxygen might run out in the process.

Take the literal example of a firefighter attempting to rescue someone in a burning building. If the cataclysm is great enough, both the hero and victim will be taken into God's hands. At that point, it's miracle time: survivors often speak about answered prayers or conversations with God at times of ultimate crisis.

We have no fully credible accounts for those in conversation with God at the point of death, who die. If you accept the accounts of Jesus as the Holy Spirit, then perhaps, long ago, you accepted my notion that the most important thing to know is to Be Compassionate. Now. Always.

So that's what I'm telling my sons, whether they believe in God or Jesus or any Higher Power. The feeling of giving and receiving compassion itself is so worth it, so much deeper than any other pleasure you can experience, and, most amazing of all, available free of monetary cost, at any time. For instance, right now.

Here's the Two Listeners quote of the day: "Already Love is drawing others to you. Take all who come as sent by Me, and give them a royal welcome. It will surprise you all that I have planned for you."

That royal welcome is your compassionate heart, my sons. Please put it to good use.

summoning charms II

"You do not need to see far ahead. Just one step at a time. Be more afraid of Spirit-unrest than of earthquake, fire, or outside forces. When calm is broken--remain away alone with Me until your heart sings." Two Listeners

So the student did not show. So I decided to take that as a message that I needed to go visit his family last night.

Which I did.

So perhaps I was being summoned by God to work with his family.

I can't publish here and now what their specific troubles were, but suffice it say, that they were glad to see me. I had purchased the book, Eckhart Tolle's "Power of Now", and I gave it directly to the student's brother who had been of so much concern.

He, it, everything--that's in God's hands now. I can only pray.

But I'm confident the young man knows that people, maybe even supernatural forces, care about him.

If these are my last words, I'd tell him to find peace within himself. Cultivate that peace everyday because it's a rotten, mean, dangerous world out there, outside of yourself. You need peace pouring out of your pores; you need it running in torrents out of your tear ducts; you need it emanating, no, blasting out of your aura.

So many things work to squash peace. So squash peas instead.

Laugh at the violence out there. And laugh at the violence inside you. Laughter is always a side step and a pratfall away. It puts you right in the moment, takes away the pain for the time being, and that (according to today's quote) is all we need to see "one step at a time."

God's work is revealed for us, moment by moment, and no faster. We must live in that moment to feel the joy of his company, to experience the laughter, to be a child.

And that's what we are: children of God.

Know that in your heart, young man with Eckhart Tolle's words in your hands: you are a child of God, loved for all eternity, experiencing God's work, moment by moment, as He reveals your mission on this planet.

Summoning Charms I

"There may be many times when I reveal nothing, command nothing, give no guidance. But your path is clear, and your task, to grow daily more and more into the knowledge of Me. That this quiet time with Me will enable you to do.

I may ask you to sit silent before Me, and I may speak no word that you could write. All the same that waiting with Me will bring comfort and Peace. Only friends who understand and love each other can wait silent in each other's presence.

And it may be that I shall prove our friendship by asking you to wait in silence while I rest with you, assured of your Love and understanding. So wait, so love, so joy."

Two Listeners

So that's today's quote, which I discovered after spending the morning playing, mentally, with summoning charms, 5 out 6 of which worked. Short, silent prayers brought people or events, 1 by 1 into my personal space. The 1 that did not was my calling to a former student (in my mind) to come see me, so that I could give him money to buy a book for his brother, who will shortly leave the country. He has not shown as of yet. But perhaps that's for a reason I don't know at the moment. Or something that will happen by the end of the day.

We shall see.

If these are my last words . . . .III

"So trust and be not afraid, like a child who places a tangled string in the hands of a loving mother and runs out to play, pleasing the mother more by its unquestioning confidence than if it went down on its knees and implored her help." Two Speakers

If these were my last words to my sons, I would say, "

Go with God."

Follow the Way.

Live in the Now.

Be compassionate to everyone who crosses your path for more than a moment.

Be compassionate to the great vastness of the world, the population of sentient beings who may benefit from your attention.

First, do no harm or at least any harm that you can think of.

Second, really, really care about the person with you right now.

and

You are one of those people you're with, so love yourself with the love of your father and your mother and your friends--all at the same time.

And whenever in doubt, ask what would Jesus do or what would the Bhodisatva do.

Go forth and pursue your bliss following the above prescription with the confidence described in the opening quote. We humans can be like that child, turning a ball of tangled string over to our mother; in our case, turning our problems over to God.

If these are my last words, Part II

"The world does not need supermen, but supernatural men. Men who persistently turn the self out of their lives. The world would be saved tomorrow if people would let Me just use them."

So, there's the goal: to be a supernatural man.
What I'm puzzling over today is turning the self out, even as I turn the self-out.
One of my colleagues has taken it upon herself to convince me of the joys of the holiday season. And I'm not digging it. But then again, every challenge is a lesson. And even if I have to fake getting in to Christmas, just to get her to stop badgering me about enjoying Christmas, then maybe that could be a good thing--Fake it until you make it style.

Back to my last words (fictitious of course) to my mother. . . . She's really going through a tough time now as my Dad deteriorates more and more. She's short of patience with the boys, and ends up in yelling matches with them. She felt totally defeated by Dad's sister's need to talk with him on the phone yesterday, which, after much work and maneuvering, he could do, before reverting to a conversation set some place back in Rumford, where he grew up, away, far away from the little nursing home where he sits every day, his head tilted to the side, his glasses falling off his face, his mouth agape, breathing.

No humor about it for Mom. No deflection. No euphemism. Just misery. And certainly no visible manifestation, for Mom, of the work of God.

If these were my last words, I would tell my mother that I love her.
If these were my last words, I would let her know that I have always thought of her happiness, always tried to be considerate, fought myself with extra lashings of self-loathing whenever I offended her, and always, always, always came back, back to her because I knew that being here was the one way to express what she always felt most tenuously, always felt slipping away even when it was strongest: that love of her family, that love of her self, that love of her son.

If these are my last words

"You shall be used. The Divine Force is never less. I only need the instruments for me to use. To know that would remake the world." Two Speakers

If these are my last words, and I'm in a hospital dying of something, but I haven't lost my conversational powers, and my mom was there, being there because that's what she does, she's there for her family, I'd tell her my one regret in life was being separated from God for so long.
And I'd try not make it out to be her fault because I'm sure she'd take it the wrong way and get upset and defensive and cry a lot and then write my comments off as some delusion of mine, but that's really how I feel.

I had never been content in life until the moment I gave up on my atheism, renounced all vestiges of my agnosticism, and accepted the full and complete and benevolent role of God in my life. All my fights; all my anxiety; all my willfullness; my false dreams; my lust; my greed; my anger; my expert skepticism--all of that came from my denial of God's will.

By God, I mean what would be best be described as the Higher Power or Great Spirit because of course I'm not talking about Yahweh in the Old Testament, the genocidal deity willing to snuff out humanity with a flood. And though I completely love and admire Jesus for so many things, I don't mean only Jesus, because he's new on the scene--only 2k years of exemplification--and the Divine Fellow's name has been misused so much as to throw too many people, such as my mother, off the scent of God's magic.

What I mean is that magical, mystical, ineffable presence in all things, channeled through the minds of all sentient beings, working through the action of every atom and every molecule, every object and every animal, every person and every family, every state and every nation, working, working ,working all the time, following the same patterns, which we, the poor measly, egocentric human race then misinterpret for our own private, self-centered mistaken ways.

But when we walk in God's light, when we hear the voice of God in all sounds, when we see the work of God in all things, when we apply the interpretative strategy that Jesus and Buddha and many other mystical prophets have directed us to follow throughout recorded human history, THEN we work with God, not against God. And, as his Holiness the Dhali Lhama points out in his book on Buddhist practice, we are "wisely self-centered" to do so.

When we work for others first, we make them happier, which then makes us happier. Every action to the contrary, which seeks to increase our pleasure without first adding to the pleasure of another, leads to the consequent anxiety to achieve more, to do more, to want more that haunts all the allegedly successful individuals of the world.

So when you leave my hospital room, as I lay dying, I would direct my mother or any other alleged agnostic to begin to count the blessings that pass her by as she proceeds home.

Do you see that I am in first-class state-of-the-art hospital? Do you see how many people you encounter here who have dedicated their professional lives to helping people? Do you see the store in the lobby dedicated to selling gifts to visitors who are trying to brighten the day of the suffering patients inside? Do you see the security guard helping someone in a wheel chair through the door? Do you see the cars, most of them purchased within the last 20 years, in this our wealthy nation parked in an orderly manner in the parking lot? Do you notice the driver who waits patiently for you to back your car out before he passes by? Do you notice the cars driving all the correct side of the road on the way home? Do you notice every stop light where no one beeps? Do you notice that most people are driving the same speed as you on the highway? Do you take in the beauty of Bass River when you cross it on a well-constructed bridge, the world flashing by you at 60 miles an hour? Do you note that if you take a left and another left off the ramp at Exit 11, within two miles you will be face to face with the breath-taking body of water known as Pleasant Bay, on which you have spent countless hours?

Can you stop there at Head of the Bay and think of how many sunny days, you and I and all your friends and family went around the buoys set up for racing from starts at that shack on the beach called Chatham Yacht Club?

Can you count each grain of sand as the work of God? Can you listen to the blowing wind and hear the voice of God? Can you look beyond each little detail and see the towering, all-encompassing blue sky?
And can you know that in all those things I will always be with you just as God always will be with you?